The Profoundness of the Guru’s Teachings

My Heart Tugs Towards the Light by Paul Hawkwood

I stand in the Arizona desert,
beneath deep blackness
and stars
and far-off light.
The sky is beginning to lighten,
framing a bright curve of moon,
two trees,
and the far-off cliffside.

My mind, always curious, wonders
about the definition of dawn.
Is it when the slightest light splits blackness from itself
and turns sky the barest deep blue?
Is it when the first fraction of the sun's bright eye
peers over the edge of the earth?
Or when the sun turns fully above the horizon and
hides the night?

My mind asks more: what about my dawn?
My own turning toward light?
When will I know that night is over?

Certainly I can see more than darkness–even now I feel
a vast blueness within,
full of breath and silence and space.
Does it matter if the day has not fully dawned?

I hear Gurumayi's words,
      Have the awareness
           I am light.
                I am Consciousness.
                     Beneath all the fluctuations of the mind,
                             the divine light constantly shimmers.

I am in love, it seems, with the in-between,
the fluctuating dance
of darkness and dawning light.
But my heart tugs towards the light, only the light–
"Now" it insists.

I hear Gurumayi's words,
           When you watch the sunrise,
                   the beautiful shimmering sun,
                             you can breathe in the sun
                                      and breathe out the sun.

I stand in the early dawn in Arizona,
the sun now visible and bright, warming the day.
I breathe in the sun–
I breathe out the sun. For a long time, I breathe,
and feel myself become

Who is breathing, I wonder, and who is watching
the breathing
and the breather?
Who illumines this breathing,
and the one
who watches it?

Discover the splendor of your heart.
       It is shimmering with divine light,
               Gurumayi whispers to me.

These words move within my awareness.
They are a mirror
holding the reflection of my heart:
       your heart...
               is shimmering with divine light.

Something inside me smiles, slides open,
breathes easily. Awareness dawns–
the light of my own heart–
       is shimmering with divine light.

I feel it–quiet,
like sunlight–
       I am light.
               I am Consciousness.
My heart illumines all this.
My heart cherishes all this.
It is all within me.
My breath feels it.
My heart feels it.
       I am light.
               I am Consciousness.

I watch the sun continue to rise
and the darkness dissolve.

I want to go

Let the sun permeate
       your entire being,
               Gurumayi continues.
                      Let your whole being melt
                             into the light of the sun.

Her word soars into me.
I let it in–and
already everything
is dissolving and

I'm only breath now, and quiet
               and soft burning
I listen.

The barrier of the body dissolves
       Gurumayi says,
               and becomes one with divine light.

Day is dawning,
         and dawning,
               and dawning.


The italicized lines are Gurumayi's teachings from her book Courage and Contentment (South Fallsburg, NY: SYDA Foundation, 1999), pp. 119-120.
About the Author

Paul Hawkwood began his Siddha Yoga practice in 1987 in Eugene, Oregon. He offers seva in the SYDA Foundation as an educational developer and a Siddha Yoga meditation teacher for Sadhana Retreats. Paul also serves on the Steering Committee and Board of Directors at the Siddha Yoga Meditation Center in Eugene. He lives in Eugene with his wife, Achala Woollacott, and works as an English professor at Linn-Benton Community College. Paul holds a BA from Whitworth College and an MA in composition and rhetoric from Eastern Washington University.