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My Lord Loves a Pure Heart – Excerpt 25

by Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

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Many years ago, triggered by someone’s critical opinion of my spiritual path, I began to have doubts. Then I read Gurumayi’s book The Yoga of Discipline, and something changed.

I remembered all the powerful experiences I have had on the path—experiences of love, respect, inner strength, forgiveness, and protection. I saw that I had become a better person as a result of performing the practices. All these were my experiences, and they were real! Why should I listen to someone else’s opinion?

After that, I prayed to Gurumayi: “May I never lose my connection with you again.” My fear of “losing God” led me back to the path with an even deeper conviction.

I am grateful for Gurumayi’s guidance, which always leads me in the right direction.

New Jersey, United States

Once I had a vivid dream in which I and the people around me were afraid of losing our connection to Gurumayi's love. The fear of losing my Guru's love stirred my heart so strongly that I opened to her love immensely.

As I woke up, the recording of Gurumayi chanting Om Namah Shivaya in the Bhupali raga was playing in my room, as it does every night. But this night, following the dream, I heard in her voice and in the mantra the most profound love I had ever known existed.

The fear of losing this love made me realize what a difference Gurumayi has made in my life! It opened me to a dimension previously unreachable to my mind. I vowed then to always repeat the divine Name so that I would indeed never lose my connection to her love.

Washington, United States

For years I have always tried to contemplate courage, not fear—that is, how to overcome fear and do what I know is necessary to live a dharmic life. For this I pray.
Now I learn from this excerpt that there’s a good kind of fear: the fear of losing the Lord of my prayers. I see how that fear, in my early life, could have been the greatest motivation for me to follow and study about God. Now, after many years of being guided by Gurumayi’s teachings, inspired by her physical and subtle presence, and protected by her amazing grace, my connection to God is so strong that I don’t have that kind of fear any more. Instead I have gratitude, constant waves of gratitude.

New York, United States

About twenty-five years ago, when I finished my bachelor’s degree, I was eager to pursue an academic career by completing a post-graduate program. I was very excited to build a bright future for myself in this way.
However, when I approached the university, I found that the company of my fellow students, and the academic culture and environment were not conducive to nourishing my spiritual goals. I had a fear of getting distracted, both internally and externally, from the Siddha Yoga path and from my Guru. Because I was not willing to deviate from my spiritual goals, I almost decided to put aside all my professional aspirations. I was also praying intensely to Gurumayi.
Slowly things started changing. I found the company of a few Siddha Yogis and was able to complete my curriculum, while maintaining inner purity. In my life the fear of becoming separated from the Guru or the path has only deepened my faith in both.

Sydney, Australia

After reading and studying Excerpt 25 this morning, I must admit that yes, I did grow up with the element of worry, mixed in with fear, leading to insecurity on many occasions, even if only for a short while.
In my heart I now know that the loving hand of God was protecting and guiding me all along. And as I have been walking the Siddha Yoga path, I have cultivated the virtue of fearlessness. Bade Baba’s words of assurance, “Be calm. I am everywhere,” have become deeply engrained into my being, and now I can face any fear or worry with full faith and confidence in my Guru’s words—and protection.

Nairobi, Kenya

In years past, when I was offering seva in Shree Muktananda Ashram, I would sometimes see Gurumayi approaching me. In the early years, I held back from these encounters and then often experienced separation within. In solitude, I would cry out in fear of losing Gurumayi’s love.

Over a period of time, after participating in Siddha Yoga satsangs and reading accounts of other satsangs, I learned that active participation in  satsangs is valued, and that approaching the Guru in a state of fear inhibits the experience of the Guru’s unconditional love.
I then threw my fear away into the vast open sky and, at our next encounter, greeted Gurumayi with love and reverence. Gurumayi smiled and said, “Ahh!” She asked me a few things about my Ashram stay and my well-being. I felt as if buckets and buckets full of love were being poured over me.

I’ve now learned that my fear of feeling separate from the Guru can guide me to right actions so that I can embrace the path of sattva samshuddhi.

Sydney, Australia

I know the feeling of fear very well. At times it has paralyzed me and could even make me betray myself. Like many of my concepts, it has also been transformed by the Gurus’ words and teachings. Baba’s book From the Finite to the Infinite taught me that the twelve-petalled lotus in the heart chakra has “a petal related to fear,” as well as one related to “devotion to God.” And Swami Anantananda’s book What's on My Mind? taught me that fear is also the energy of God.
At the beginning of the global pandemic, I was presented with the fear of death. I contemplated and prayed, asking, “How many times have I walked this earth, in how many reincarnations?” I understood that my fear had taken the form of faith that impelled me to continue on the path, since both faith and fear are the same energy of God, within me.
As I progress in my sadhana and break through layers of fear, my hope and trust in God grow, together with my belief in him.

Mexico City, Mexico

The fact that the second form of fear “does not rely on God” and that people with that fear are “afraid of finding Him” opened up a whole new perspective in me about fears. I now understand that the second kind of fear can be an immense obstacle on my sadhana path—a deceptive instrument of the unpurified ego that could delay my attaining my life goal of liberation. So I now see this kind of fear in a whole new light.

Ville St. Laurent, Canada