Toward Love...
~ Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

One of my favorite Siddha Yoga stories is that of the old woman clinging to the carrot as it was lifted to heaven. As other people saw she was rising to heaven, one grabbed her foot in order to rise with her, and another grabbed the foot of that person. Looking down, she began to kick away her numerous “passengers,” and in doing so, she lost hold of the carrot and fell back to earth too.
 
I initially found the story strange and didn’t fully appreciate its meaning. But as my awareness has developed, I now reflect on this story often when I detect selfishness underpinning my thoughts and actions. It’s a work in progress, and so today’s teaching from Gurumayi really resonated.
 
I spent some time this evening journaling, by writing answers to each of Gurumayi’s questions. As I did so, I could feel a sense of pure benevolent goodness beginning to blossom inside. At the end, I jotted down this insight: “How to shift to the sweetest place in my heart and be free of selfish motive? Prioritize magnanimity, generosity, and the commitment—once and for all—to become love in action.”
 

One of the areas in my life that this teaching is very relevant to is sending texts and emails. After writing an email or text, I often pause and check with Gurumayi within. This sometimes gives me surprising direction! 
 
When I think what I wrote is “good to go,” my inner Guru occasionally stops me in my tracks and has me look deeper. What I uncover is that I had forgotten the true nature of the person I am writing to. Are the words I write being sent to a great being who is only disguised as an ordinary human being or am I writing only to a human being with faults and foibles? 
 
When I change my focus to this highest point of view, more often than not I don’t need to add or remove any words. And miraculously, the addressee feels exalted in my mind and heart. This makes our future interactions more in accord with the teachings Gurumayi and Baba have given us, which are always “toward love” in the highest sense possible and which resonate as “a tribute to love in its sweetest form.”
 

I consciously do good deeds to develop into a better person. When I thought about Gurumayi’s thirteenth teaching of “Toward Love…,” I realized that I am doing this only because I think I am not yet perfect.
 
After my evening meditation, I realized that my highest Self is perfect and that I am the highest Self. This realization gives me the freedom to do good deeds for others because I lack nothing.
 

Gurumayi’s questions enabled me to gently explore a tendency that sometimes gets in the way of my acting in a completely unselfish manner. I wanted to understand this tendency and how I could let go of it.
 
Taking this teaching of Gurumayi’s teaching into meditation, I experienced the fullness, “the perfectness of the heart,” brimming with love. As this happened, I recognized that my ego’s tendency arose from a perceived sense of lack, a certain neediness within me. This helped me have compassion toward myself.
 
As I inwardly asked how I could drop that tendency, I sensed laughter arising within me. From this, I recognized that I could keep developing awareness, noticing if and when the tendency arose—and then to smile at it, to laugh gently, and to let it go. At the same time, I could remember the fullness of my heart where nothing is lacking. This approach feels light and loving—a heart-based, rather than a mind-based, restorative discipline. 
 

The more I contemplate the thirteenth teaching of “Toward Love...,” the deeper and fuller my understanding becomes. I find this teaching to be dramatic, uplifting, and inspiring. I feel that if I were to “perform each action with the intent that it lead to the betterment of someone else’s life,” this would greatly dissolve selfishness and ego. I feel I would have the moment-to-moment experience that I was in alignment with the Self of all, and that I was following in the footsteps of Gurumayi and the Siddhas. 

As soon as I read Gurumayi’s thirteenth teaching for “Toward Love...,” the conviction arose within me, “Yes, I can love others much more fully.”
 
I see that my own benefit is still at the center of many, possibly even most, of my actions. Sometimes this “me-ness” may be quite subtle, but it always undermines my inner state. While this is a very old habit that keeps contraction and suffering in place, its time is well and truly over. For me, Gurumayi’s questions in this teaching are like a magnifying glass that focuses the light on this old, outmoded habit of mine and gives me renewed momentum for the change of approach that Gurumayi speaks of. 
 

Yes, yes, yes! I am grateful for these questions from Gurumayi. As a mother and a member of this human family, I have been very interested in learning how to help and serve others all my life. When I met Gurumayi and encountered the Siddha Yoga teachings, I realized that my initial impulse of doing good had to be refined and enhanced with a much wider and more profound perspective.
 
One aspect was that I had to learn to both include and exclude myself. Finding the balance between being fully there for others while not “losing” myself or my own life is a constant lesson for me.
 
This beautiful teaching reminds me that pure giving and dedication to others is just sweet and divine. Therefore, it is for sure filled with the Guru’s protection.
 

This teaching of Gurumayi’s helps me understand that if I “perform good deeds… for my own benefit,” I nurture only my small “I.“ Instead of that, if I turn my intention to acting for the benefit of others, I expand my heart and nurture the great “I,“ the Self.
 
Fortunately, I have had experiences of the truth of this teaching. One morning, at the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic, I was walking into the local grocery store. The grocer saw a mask on my face that I had made myself. He asked me if I could do the same for him and his employees. I said yes, aware of the many interactions they have during their day. In the afternoon, I came back with four masks. The grocer was so grateful. He asked me what he owed me. I said, “Nothing at all.” Nevertheless, he offered me a large amount of food.
 
I left the grocery store with a box of love in my arms.
 

Today’s teaching feels so radical to me: “to perform each action with the intent that it lead to the betterment of someone else’s life.” Then I realized this is the way Gurumayi lives. The merits of her good actions are blessings to all of humanity and nature.
 
As a parent I have experienced this to some degree. When I offer seva, I begin to feel this blessing well up inside me, this recognition that what I do could lead to the upliftment of the sangham and the world. Yet this teaching wakes me up to the radical insight that I could hold this intent all the time! This certainly aligns with my experience that offering, or giving with generosity, is more fulfilling than taking or even receiving.
 
Then I realized that offering makes more room in me to hold and experience love. From this expanded perspective, I can imagine feeling happy to hear others’ “virtues being extolled,” understanding that each person’s virtues adds to the collective upliftment.
 

Today’s teaching of “Toward Love…” reminds me immediately of my mother because, in the difficult moments of our relationship, I could take refuge in the Siddha Yoga practices and obtain the clarity I needed to treat her with love. I observed that when I changed, she changed.
 
Many of my prayers about her were for me to understand her. I realized that when she could feel secure in her relationship with me, she could also feel secure with my siblings, which helped them to display their love and praise her virtues. Yes, I was able to experience my support for her as “a tribute to love in its sweetest form.”
 
Today’s teaching also reminds me of seva, which has taught me to perform each action with the intention that it benefit the lives of others—in my community and my sangham—and I have witnessed how the virtues of my sadhana companions have been praised.

I appreciate the depth of Gurumayi’s teaching, because it pushes me to go deeper to discover the reality of her presence within me.