Toward Love...
~ Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

After reading Gurumayi’s words in the second teaching of “Toward Love…,” I realized that the effort itself is the fruit—the effort is love. Years ago, I was cooking food for a large group of people. I was so happy to nourish all these people and I never got hungry. I felt nourished from within, nourished by God, nourished by love.
 

The artwork for this series on “Toward Love…” is breathtaking! Looking at it was an experience on its own before I had even delved into the words from Gurumayi. It was inviting me to glow; it’s so cold here and the warmth this image gave out is so good! The sun is in there as well and the colors of Bade Baba and stars and planets.
 
Over the years of walking this wonderful path, I have come to recognize that there are many ways to reach the Self. For me this image is one.
 
When I read the teaching, which arrived on my birthday, not only did I have the darshan of the artwork, but the words of Gurumayi swept over me like warm summer rain, sparkling with sunshine. I felt drenched with love. With Gurumayi’s guidance I am creating the best life ever on the Siddha Yoga path.
 

Today I have spent longer than usual in meditation, chanting, and offering arati. I feel my being resounding with love, and this love has been reflected in my interactions with people in the local supermarket.
 
I also realized today that I often hesitate to introduce myself when I am in situations where I am encountering new people. I reflected on all the new neighbors I have recently acquired, and I resolved to introduce myself. Today I heard some teenagers and their mother in the garden behind my house, and I thought, “I could just pop my head over the fence and say hello.”
 
I am encouraged in my efforts to practice and to share love by Gurumayi’s advice to “not back down,” and I pray to understand more fully the love that abounds within and without, while holding onto Gurumayi’s words that “this effort alone can be a treasure trove.”
 

I have been on the Siddha Yoga path for a very long time, and today when I read Gurumayi’s infinitely loving words of encouragement, tears of gratitude filled my eyes. After reading and listening to her words, I paused and immersed myself in the deep golden color that surrounded those words.
 
And then I remembered: More than thirty years ago while taking the Month-Long Course at Shree Muktananda Ashram, I experienced the same deep color of golden light after many days of meditation, mantra japa, and contemplation. This soft, caressing light enveloped my entire being, filling me with wonder and joy. I’d spent thirty days making a great effort in sadhana, often struggling with obstacles created by my mind and body. By experiencing the golden light, I understood that this was the truth of my being and that all of my efforts had brought me to this blessed moment of peace and bliss. 
 
Over the decades, my efforts in sadhana have waxed and waned, but the memory of the golden light has never left me. And Gurumayi’s constancy and her golden, unconditional love continue to uplift my spirit and to strengthen my awareness of my own divine nature.
 

When I read this teaching, three important qualities stood out for me which I, as a seeker, should inculcate within myself as I “keep working toward love.” The first is patience. I can’t force open a flower; it has to bloom naturally petal by petal so that it fulfills its purpose by spreading its fragrance and captivating the eyes with its beauty. In the same way I need to be patient in allowing my inner transformation to happen through the Guru’s grace.
 
The second quality is to have trust in this process of transformation as I bloom into my natural self, and not to slacken in my self-effort. And the third point is that, as I do my sadhana with patience and trust, I must enjoy this mystical journey. My heart should brim with gratefulness for the opportunity bestowed upon me.
 
This teaching indeed propels me to do my sadhana with enthusiasm and I am grateful to Gurumayi for her constant guidance.
 

Every now and then, the voice of doubt makes its presence known. At these times, I remind myself of my purpose for being on this earth in this body. I remember how blessed I am to feel deep devotion for Shri Gurumayi, to offer service to her mission, and I remain steadfast to my commitment of living my life dedicated to the highest principles.
 
Several months ago I was in a bad motorcycle crash and sustained serious injuries. Life as I knew it stopped. As I continue healing on multiple levels, remarkable new insights arise spontaneously out of blind spots I didn’t even know I had. These “Aha!” moments seem to have their own schedule and come out of the blue. When they land, they really land, and I experience the lightness and joy that accompany them. It is then my responsibility to keep watering the precious seed of insight that has sprouted.  
 
A life filled with grace and a heart filled with gratitude did not happen to me overnight, but they are happening. When I reflect on this, I thank my lucky stars and feel excited to continue this journey.
 

When I read and then listened to this teaching about time, Shri Gurumayi bestowed priceless guidance upon me. I understood from this teaching that discipline, constancy in sadhana, and self-inquiry are essential for comprehending the role of time in making progress on the path. To learn the significance of time requires discipline—doing spiritual practices in a timely manner, maintaining constancy in my sadhana, cultivating the golden virtue of patience, and engaging in self-inquiry—all these help me to value time and enable me to relish the company of my heart, the eternal home of love.
 

I love this teaching. Often I am frustrated with my lack of progress on the path. I can be filled with compassion and light one day and feel contracted the next. My strong opinions can sneak up on me “like a stealth bomber.”
 

As I read today’s “Toward Love…,” I sighed with deep relief and profound gratitude. Like yesterday’s “Toward Love…” this passage too responds to so many questions of mine and encompasses so many teachings for me to contemplate. I am grateful to Gurumayi for the profound way she expresses the intangible.